I think being engaged is probably the oddest status of all relationship statuses. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. The titles are great, too! Fiancé/Fiancée. Sounds fancy. Anyway, I think that a lot of people treat engagements as a time to plan the wedding. A way of just saying that “I have a reservation for her heart on a certain date”. That is, of course, a part of it, but I think that it is a lot more than that.
Ruka and I have really tried to stay engaged while engaged. What does this mean? We are taking this time as a chance to explore the things that make us tick. No one is getting dissected, I promise. However, we are very different people. I’m more boisterous and expressive. She’s more reserved and passive. So, I am learning how not to be obnoxious when communicating. And she’s working on giving me some warning signs when I’m teetering on the edge of my doom—for example. This is just a small part.
With Corona being a thing (and there will be more on that later), I wanted to take the chance while I was working from home to take on all of the house management and responsibilities. Surprisingly, I love it. Doing all of these things makes me feel like I am taking care of her in a direct way because I know that there is less stress to do things after work—for both of us. While working from home, I’ve been cleaning, cooking, and doing laundry more. I was doing it before, but Ruka definitely beat me to the lion share of things. I have learned a lot and want to continue taking on that responsibility. It has been a learning experience for both of us. She has had to learn to be okay depending on me doing things. Her fierce independence had to give way to a little bit of dependence on me— if only when I won Rock Paper Scissors. I won a lot this month. (I’m not rubbing it in, I promise.)
Lastly, we have spent so many nights talking about the future. I know every couple does this. However, discussing the possibilities that exist, being honest about what we don’t want in an open and candid way, and setting the foundation for resolving and maneuvering any disagreements that we might have in the future has been so much fun. Everything isn’t going to be the same as it is now— in engagement. Things will get harder at some point. We are going to miscommunicate because we are a relationship of two languages. No longer being engaged doesn’t mean that we can’t still be “engaged” in our marriage. I believe that is something that I’m learning more and more as we chart the path forward.
This post was a bit meta. And I promise the next one will be more about the planning of the wedding, but I think there is more to planning a wedding than picking colors, food, and location. You have to plan to succeed after it. Anyway, we will talk to you soon. Thank you for the support!
174 days to go!